The rumor mill, it is a’swirlin’.

If anyone wasn’t already convinced that Valve has quite possibly the best PR team on the planet (go take a quick look at the Team Fortress 2 blog if you don’t know what I’m talking about), the fine folks behind the greatest things to ever happen to PC gaming have done it once again.

Valve was scheduled to host a Portal 2 party at next week’s E3 (which I am sadly not attending). However, they then sent this e-mail out:

Subject: A note from Aperture Science

Dear Subject Name Here,

Aperture Science is pleased to inform you that we have partnered with Valve to announce the gala CANCELLATION of the June 14 Portal 2 event at the Regal Theater. The event will be replaced by a surprise. And even though the cancellation of the event certainly counts as a surprise, we are pleased to further announce that the cancellation of the event is not THE surprise. However, per International treaties regarding the definition of the word “surprise”, of which both Aperture Science and Valve are signatories, the time, date and content of the actual surprise will only become available as you experience the surprise.

If you’d like to ask fruitless questions about the E3 Portal 2 surprise or, more fruitfully, schedule an appointment to attend a Portal 2 screening at the Valve booth during E3, please contact Valve’s Special Envoy to Surprises, Doug Lombardi.

Thank you for <<RECORD SCRATCH!!!>>

PS: The surprising record scratch is also not the surprise.

It’s just…brilliant. Any other company announcing the cancellation of an event for one of the most anticipated games of our generation would have been dragged over the coals by screaming fans hell-bent on revenge. But with one word – surprise – Valve is not only able to stave of fan rage, but at the same time create fan craze.

The rumors that Half-Life 2: Episode 3 would be announced as the surprise began instantly, backed up by this image that started floating around the interwebz:

Sadly, Valve Head Honcho Gabe Newell confirmed it as “fake” in a one-word response to fan inquiry. He also responded to another fan inquiry about the possibility of Episode 3 by saying simply, “it’s not ep. 3.”

With Episode 3 out of the running and Portal 2 definitely not on the list, that leaves four possibilities for this surprise: Counter-Strike 2; Left 4 Dead 3 (or some other major update to one of those two games); an entirely new game; or, and what I think is mostly likely, a full-on Half-Life 3.

A few years ago Valve might have made this big of a deal out of a Counter-Strike announcement, but that game really isn’t their headliner anymore. They push out content and updates and eventually we’ll see a major update to the franchise, but I doubt it will be the headliner of its own exclusive event.

I would be shocked if Valve announced Left 4 Dead 3 so soon after 2. Yes, they announced Left 4 Dead 2 right after the first game, but given the fan outrage that occurred after that event and just the way things appear to be chugging along with that game, I doubt that’s the announement.

An entirely new game is certainly a possibility … but an unlikely one. Rumors of Team Fortress 2 and Portal were swirling long before they were officially announced. Valve plays things close to the chest, but they’re not Apple. If a new franchise was in the words, I feel like we’d have heard something by now.

That leaves a Half-Life 3 announcement. The timing would be right. It’s been speculated many times that Valve might shelve the long-overdue Episode 3 in favor of a full-on sequel. The Source engine that powers all of their games is also due for an update, and historically they have announced engine updates in concert with a new Half-Life game announcement.

Supporting this theory is an anonymous tip received by VG247 that this would indeed be the case.

The stars just seem to be aligning. If Valve had an altar, I would be sacrificing virgin goats upon it as we speak in hopes that I’m right. The Half-Life series is, quite simply, the single best set of games to ever grace the gaming world. Fans have waiting patiently for years for more of it. It’s time.

Please?

UPDATE:

Valve has responded to the huge waves of speculation with a press release entitled “Making Games is Hard:”

June 9, 2010 — Aperture Science, doing business as Aperture Laboratories LLC, in partnership with Valve today announced the successful completion of an ethics-review-panel-supervised release date restructuring process. Portal 2, the sequel to the ground-breaking title that earned over 30 Game of the Year awards despite missing its original ship date, is now targeted for a 2011 release.

Representatives from both companies acknowledged that public safety concerns factored into the decision. They went on to say that even though Portal 2 will arrive slightly later than planned, all life on earth won’t instantaneously stop as every molecule in your body explodes at the speed of light, which is what would happen should a rip ever appear in the fabric of Valve Time.

“Also, the game will be even better,” they added, missing an historic opportunity to create the first product delay press release to mention that a product is being delayed to make it worse.

To ask questions about how close we all came to dying, or to ask futile questions about the previously announced E3 ***PORTAL-2-THEMED-FOR-GOD’S SAKE*** surprise or, less futilely, to schedule an appointment to attend a Portal 2 screening at the Valve booth during E3, please contact Valve’s delegate to the EU’s Valve Time Studies Group, Doug Lombardi.

So…there’s still room to hope for Half-Life 3, though the all-caps, frustrated-sounding cry that the surprise will be Portal 2 themed does seem to put a damper on the theory. Only time will tell. Perhaps the most likely theory at this point is that Portal 2 will be demoed on (surprise!) Source engine 2. Maximum PC has an anecdote concerning Source engine 2 that makes this theory seem not so dim and dark, but it would still be disappointing not to see Half-Life.

Seriously, though, Valve must take note of this. If all they have to do is whisper “surprise” and the entire internet explodes, that’s a sign. Make a Half-Life game, guys. Stop toying with our emotions!

Jerod Jarvis is an independent gaming journalist and founder of Duality Games. He maintains gaming columns for The Washington Times Communities and for The Outpost. When not blogging madly about games, he freelances for the Spokesman-Review in his hometown of Spokane, Washington and attends school at Whitworth University. Check out his presence on Facebook and Twitter to stay up on Duality Games updates and the inside scoop on the gaming news you care about.